Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Unrequited Love?
I don't understand why we have the term "friend zone" when unrequited love is already a completely valid thing. They are exactly the same. It's not like girls find out that you like them and then decide to maliciously become your friend with the intent of leading you on and then ultimately breaking your heart. It literally is just "I really like your personality, but, incidentally, I do not want to fuck you." Which, apparently, is a foreign concept to most people. Friend zoned is basically just a term to take the blame off of yourself and put it on someone else.. Rather than accepting the fact that you should probably stop hitting on/pining after your friend, they should just decide to like you. I'm not even saying it's a bad thing to be in love with your friend. It is highly common, and entirely understandable. But you will save yourself a lot of heartbreak and awkwardness if you just try to move on. So, basically...... Stop.
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I think there is a lot of truth in what you say. It is indeed much more palatable to posit that some mysterious quirk of the feminine psyche is responsible for one’s advances being rejected. Otherwise all you’re left with is the devastating realization that she’s just not that into you. And that really sucks.
ReplyDeleteHOWEVER, I beg your indulgence to play the devil’s advocate for a moment. Among my friends and acquaintances are quite a few happy couples, many married, some for decades. None of their relationships began with the archetypical “love at first sight” moment where they knew right from the start that they belonged together. In most cases the girl rebuffed the guy initially, often quite a few times. But he kept coming back and eventually got his foot in the door (so to speak), and once they spent some time together the relationship blossomed into something special. That lengthy feeling-out process used to be called “courting,” but I fear that is just one more useful social construct that has been largely discarded by the cult of instant gratification we call a society.
That’s not to say that a girl shouldn’t have total autonomy over who her friends are and who she spends her time with. And it’s not to endorse creepy stalker-like behavior or pestering a lady who clearly has no interest at all in you. But it can be devilishly hard from the guy’s point of view to know just when to give up the ship and when to stick with it. Girls are complicated and seem to have a lot more moving parts inside their hearts and minds then we simple blokes do.
All too often it’s like trying to put together a jigsaw puzzle that’s all one color. You have a table full of pieces and no idea where they fit. Society has cast men as the instigators when it comes to relationships. In some ways that’s glorious, but it’s also a hell of responsibility. It means making yourself emotionally vulnerable over and over again, even if you know the odds are you’ll just get hurt again. But the prize makes the whole elaborate, heartrendingly cruel game worth all the risks. When you do finally find somebody special, the feeling is like nothing else in the world.
Forgive my rambling, but I felt the need to stand up and defend my gender just a bit. Fumbling oafs we may be at times, but we mean well. Try to be patient with us.
Oh, and to make comments appear properly so you can reply (or whatever), just click on "Eccentricity" up in the title bar. That makes the second level of the blogger skin load for some reason.
ReplyDeleteI am in no way blaming men as a gender. I'm really just talking about the tossers who bitch about how girls always go for assholes and that nice guys are always put in the "friend zone". But, you know, my understanding of this concept may be skewed by the fact that I don't understand most girls.
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