There aren't any messages from you in my Skype history anymore. It shouldn't matter... It doesn't matter. Except now I'm sitting here wishing I never got a new computer because that was all I had left of you and as much as I'd like to say I don't care......
There is no describing the feeling you gave me. So, when people asked what it was about you that captivated me, I had no answer. Perhaps there was truly nothing captivating about you. Maybe my adoration stemmed from your painful blandness. You were possibly the safest person I had ever met.
I remember wondering why in the world you mattered to me. You're intelligent, and that could have been my excuse, but I don’t think it was. I think I loved the fact that for months upon months, you refused to speak. And when you finally did speak, and I got to know you, I fell in love with your utter awkwardness; the sheer absence of anything even resembling "bland". You were so insane and beautiful and smart and gawky and fascinating. I had never met anyone like you. And I was terribly afraid...
I am terribly afraid.
I want to write about online chess games and fake spaghetti proposals and private conversations on public hotel computers. I want to write about the fact that you were the one person that made me think you actually cared.... But I know how much you hate people knowing things about you. And explaining anything that happened with you feels like a great betrayal.
I keep telling myself that maybe we just met at the wrong time, or gave up too soon. That maybe we'll meet again in the future and things will be different. We could stay in each others lives this time. You could not move to Germany. Or you could and so could I. Or we could just write, or call, or email. I think I would be satisfied with that. I think I would be okay with emailing my friend from Germany and hearing about how he met the perfect girl who loved his ridiculous proposal and who was way smarter than him (maybe) and who was beautiful enough to inspire the poetry that you hate but that fills a part of me that used to be empty every time I read it..... I'd be happy for you.
But please come back.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Monday, July 29, 2013
Self- Fulfilling Prophecy
do you ever like someone so much that you're just scared to death?
maybe you're terrified of getting hurt
or maybe you're worried that you'll be happy
because maybe you're the kind of person who doesn't know how to be happy.
maybe you're terrified of getting hurt
or maybe you're worried that you'll be happy
because maybe you're the kind of person who doesn't know how to be happy.
.........
i've sabotaged almost every chance i've ever had and i can feel the cycle repeating itself.
i'm trying to stop but you make me so nervous and i cant work out why that is. i just haven't known anyone like you and i don't even mind that you aren't like
me.
fuck
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Friday, July 12, 2013
25 Reasons Why Chris Should Love John Green
Alternately named "25 Amazing Quotes From John Green Books".
1. “Sometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book. And then there are books like An Imperial Affliction, which you can't tell people about, books so special and rare and yours that advertising your affection feels like betrayal”
-John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
2. “I'm in love with you," he said quietly.
"Augustus," I said.
"I am," he said. He was staring at me, and I could see the corners of his eyes crinkling. "I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you.”
-John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
3. “What a treacherous thing to believe that a person is more than a person.”
-John Green, Paper Towns
4. “I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was hurricane.”
-John Green, Looking for Alaska
5. “What is the point of being alive if you don't at least try to do something remarkable?”
-John Green, An Abundance of Katherines
6. “There will come a time when all of us are dead. All of us. There will come a time when there are no human beings remaining to remember that anyone ever existed or that our species ever did anything. There will be no one left to remember Aristotle or Cleopatra, let alone you. Everything that we did and built and wrote and thought and discovered will be forgotten and all of this will have been for naught. Maybe that time is coming soon and maybe it is millions of years away, but even if we survive the collapse of our sun, we will not survive forever. There was time before organisms experienced consciousness, and there will be time after. And if the inevitability of human oblivion worries you, I encourage you to ignore it. God knows that’s what everyone else does.”
-John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
7. “And then something invisible snapped inside her, and that which had come together commenced to fall apart. And maybe that's the only answer we'd ever have. She fell apart because that's what happens.”
- John Green, Looking for Alaska
8. “I'm not saying that everything is survivable. Just that everything except the last thing is.”
- John Green, Paper Towns
9. “It is so hard to leave—until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world.”
- John Green, Paper Towns
10. “I believe the universe wants to be noticed. I think the universe is improbably biased toward human consciousness, that it rewards intelligence in part because the universe enjoys its elegance being observed. And who am I, living in the middle of history, to tell the universe that it-or my observation of it-is temporary?”
-John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
11. “That’s part of what I like about the book in some ways. It portrays death truthfully. You die in the middle of your life, in the middle of a sentence”
- John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
12. “You like someone who can't like you back because unrequited love can be survived in a way that once-requited love cannot. ”
-John Green, Will Grayson, Will Grayson
13. “When things break, it's not the actual breaking that prevents them from getting back together again. It's because a little piece gets lost - the two remaining ends couldn't fit together even if they wanted to. The whole shape has changed.”
-John Green, Will Grayson, Will Grayson
14. “But I believe in true love, you know? I don't believe that everybody gets to keep their eyes or not get sick or whatever, but everybody should have true love, and it should last at least as long as your life does.”
-John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
15. “Sometimes I don't get you,' I said.
She didn't even glance at me. She just smiled toward the television and said, 'You never get me. That's the whole point.”
-John Green, Looking for Alaska
16. "I've lived here for eighteen years and I have never once in my life come across anyone who cares about anything that matters.”
- John Green, Paper Towns
17. “But a lot of times, people die how they live. And so last words tell me a lot about who people were, and why they became the sort of people biographies get written about.”
- John Green, Looking for Alaska
18.“Isn't it also that on some fundamental level we find it difficult to understand that other people are human beings in the same way that we are? We idealize them as gods or dismiss them as animals.”
-John Green, Paper Towns
19. “Well, while you were in the bathroom, I sat down at this picnic table here in Bumblefug, Kentucky, and noticed that someone had carved that GOD HATES FAG, which, aside from being a grammatical nightmare, is absolutely ridiculous. So I'm changing it to 'God Hates Baguettes.' It's tough to disagree with that. Everybody hates baguettes.”
-John Green, An Abundance of Katherines
20. “She said, 'It's not life or death, the labyrinth.'
'Um, okay. So what is it?'
'Suffering,' she said. 'Doing wrong and having wrong things happen to you. That's the problem. Bolivar was talking about the pain, not about the living or dying. How do you get out of the labyrinth of suffering?...Nothing's wrong. But there's always suffering, Pudge. Homework or malaria or having a boyfriend who lives far away when there's a good-looking boy lying next to you. Suffering is universal. It'st the one thing Buddhists, Christians, and Muslims are all worried about.”
-John Green, Looking for Alaska
21. “The rules of capitalization are so unfair to words in the middle of a sentence.”
-John Green, Paper Towns
22. “At some point, you gotta stop looking up at the sky, or one of these days you'll look back down and see that you floated away, too.”
-John Green, Paper Towns
23. “I leave, and the leaving is so exhilarating I know I can never go back. But then what? Do I just keep leaving places, and leaving them, and leaving them, tramping a perpetual journey?”
-John Green, Paper Towns
24. “I always thought of it like you said, that all the strings inside him broke. But there are a thousand ways to look at it: maybe the strings break, or maybe our ships sink, or maybe we’re grass—our roots so interdependent that no one is dead as long as someone is alive. We don’t suffer from a shortage of metaphors, is what I mean. But you have to be careful which metaphor you choose, because it matters. If you choose the strings, then you’re imagining a world in which you can become irreparably broken. If you choose the grass, you’re saying that we are all infinitely interconnected, that we can use these root systems not only to understand one another but to become one another. The metaphors have implications. Do you know what I mean?”
-John Green, Paper Towns
25. “Anything that happens all at once is just as likely to unhappen all at once, you know?”
-John Green, Will Grayson, Will Grayson
(It was very hard to pick 25 and they probably aren't even my top 25 favourite or anything I just like them all a lot okay)
1. “Sometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book. And then there are books like An Imperial Affliction, which you can't tell people about, books so special and rare and yours that advertising your affection feels like betrayal”
-John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
2. “I'm in love with you," he said quietly.
"Augustus," I said.
"I am," he said. He was staring at me, and I could see the corners of his eyes crinkling. "I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you.”
-John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
3. “What a treacherous thing to believe that a person is more than a person.”
-John Green, Paper Towns
4. “I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was hurricane.”
-John Green, Looking for Alaska
5. “What is the point of being alive if you don't at least try to do something remarkable?”
-John Green, An Abundance of Katherines
6. “There will come a time when all of us are dead. All of us. There will come a time when there are no human beings remaining to remember that anyone ever existed or that our species ever did anything. There will be no one left to remember Aristotle or Cleopatra, let alone you. Everything that we did and built and wrote and thought and discovered will be forgotten and all of this will have been for naught. Maybe that time is coming soon and maybe it is millions of years away, but even if we survive the collapse of our sun, we will not survive forever. There was time before organisms experienced consciousness, and there will be time after. And if the inevitability of human oblivion worries you, I encourage you to ignore it. God knows that’s what everyone else does.”
-John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
7. “And then something invisible snapped inside her, and that which had come together commenced to fall apart. And maybe that's the only answer we'd ever have. She fell apart because that's what happens.”
- John Green, Looking for Alaska
8. “I'm not saying that everything is survivable. Just that everything except the last thing is.”
- John Green, Paper Towns
9. “It is so hard to leave—until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world.”
- John Green, Paper Towns
10. “I believe the universe wants to be noticed. I think the universe is improbably biased toward human consciousness, that it rewards intelligence in part because the universe enjoys its elegance being observed. And who am I, living in the middle of history, to tell the universe that it-or my observation of it-is temporary?”
-John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
11. “That’s part of what I like about the book in some ways. It portrays death truthfully. You die in the middle of your life, in the middle of a sentence”
- John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
12. “You like someone who can't like you back because unrequited love can be survived in a way that once-requited love cannot. ”
-John Green, Will Grayson, Will Grayson
13. “When things break, it's not the actual breaking that prevents them from getting back together again. It's because a little piece gets lost - the two remaining ends couldn't fit together even if they wanted to. The whole shape has changed.”
-John Green, Will Grayson, Will Grayson
14. “But I believe in true love, you know? I don't believe that everybody gets to keep their eyes or not get sick or whatever, but everybody should have true love, and it should last at least as long as your life does.”
-John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
15. “Sometimes I don't get you,' I said.
She didn't even glance at me. She just smiled toward the television and said, 'You never get me. That's the whole point.”
-John Green, Looking for Alaska
16. "I've lived here for eighteen years and I have never once in my life come across anyone who cares about anything that matters.”
- John Green, Paper Towns
17. “But a lot of times, people die how they live. And so last words tell me a lot about who people were, and why they became the sort of people biographies get written about.”
- John Green, Looking for Alaska
18.“Isn't it also that on some fundamental level we find it difficult to understand that other people are human beings in the same way that we are? We idealize them as gods or dismiss them as animals.”
-John Green, Paper Towns
19. “Well, while you were in the bathroom, I sat down at this picnic table here in Bumblefug, Kentucky, and noticed that someone had carved that GOD HATES FAG, which, aside from being a grammatical nightmare, is absolutely ridiculous. So I'm changing it to 'God Hates Baguettes.' It's tough to disagree with that. Everybody hates baguettes.”
-John Green, An Abundance of Katherines
20. “She said, 'It's not life or death, the labyrinth.'
'Um, okay. So what is it?'
'Suffering,' she said. 'Doing wrong and having wrong things happen to you. That's the problem. Bolivar was talking about the pain, not about the living or dying. How do you get out of the labyrinth of suffering?...Nothing's wrong. But there's always suffering, Pudge. Homework or malaria or having a boyfriend who lives far away when there's a good-looking boy lying next to you. Suffering is universal. It'st the one thing Buddhists, Christians, and Muslims are all worried about.”
-John Green, Looking for Alaska
21. “The rules of capitalization are so unfair to words in the middle of a sentence.”
-John Green, Paper Towns
22. “At some point, you gotta stop looking up at the sky, or one of these days you'll look back down and see that you floated away, too.”
-John Green, Paper Towns
23. “I leave, and the leaving is so exhilarating I know I can never go back. But then what? Do I just keep leaving places, and leaving them, and leaving them, tramping a perpetual journey?”
-John Green, Paper Towns
24. “I always thought of it like you said, that all the strings inside him broke. But there are a thousand ways to look at it: maybe the strings break, or maybe our ships sink, or maybe we’re grass—our roots so interdependent that no one is dead as long as someone is alive. We don’t suffer from a shortage of metaphors, is what I mean. But you have to be careful which metaphor you choose, because it matters. If you choose the strings, then you’re imagining a world in which you can become irreparably broken. If you choose the grass, you’re saying that we are all infinitely interconnected, that we can use these root systems not only to understand one another but to become one another. The metaphors have implications. Do you know what I mean?”
-John Green, Paper Towns
25. “Anything that happens all at once is just as likely to unhappen all at once, you know?”
-John Green, Will Grayson, Will Grayson
(It was very hard to pick 25 and they probably aren't even my top 25 favourite or anything I just like them all a lot okay)
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Unrequited Love?
I don't understand why we have the term "friend zone" when unrequited love is already a completely valid thing. They are exactly the same. It's not like girls find out that you like them and then decide to maliciously become your friend with the intent of leading you on and then ultimately breaking your heart. It literally is just "I really like your personality, but, incidentally, I do not want to fuck you." Which, apparently, is a foreign concept to most people. Friend zoned is basically just a term to take the blame off of yourself and put it on someone else.. Rather than accepting the fact that you should probably stop hitting on/pining after your friend, they should just decide to like you. I'm not even saying it's a bad thing to be in love with your friend. It is highly common, and entirely understandable. But you will save yourself a lot of heartbreak and awkwardness if you just try to move on. So, basically...... Stop.
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